You can only change your username if you have a TPTNET account(tpt second server), hopefully that function will someday be added to TPT.
You forgot something, there also needs to be a 30% humidity in the area. At the same time, a solar flare nees to hit the earth, and to make sure that it will happen you need to have eaten 20 pounds of cottage cheese a week beforehand.
You will also need to do a special @Ximon dance. It's like the rain dance, but in reverse and upside down while on a pile of spread out Legos.
Or you could send him a letter. A real letter.