It guts you. Yes, guts you.

i wish I was good at Shot Put.

Granted, but they give you a 20-pound bowling ball instead of the normal ball, and you sprain your arm.

I wish for cake.

It is a lie.

I wish for topa de fruita.

The wish get's vetoed by obama yes vetoed.

Granted; you are too histaric to pass it on.

I wish for Minecraft 1.4

Granted, but it does not open... ever
I wish no one used Windows

Granted. That brings more n00bs into the world.

wish people complained less about Windows.

Granted. Windows grows wild and collapses the Apple company while also erasing Linux and other minor OSes off the face of the earth. Those 4 coloured squares are digitally implanted into your brain :o

granted, it instead gets hotter, so hot, it turns in to coffee vapour, "don't breath this!"

I wish for honest cake.