Unprofessional, brusque, and many things are not just best left unsaid. I hope you aren't using this isn't your actual transcript.

I agree with you, but the matter could handled much more effectively.

It's clear you don't understand evolution at all. At least briefly explain how natural selection as well as genetic drift affects evolution, and provide examples and evidence. Link us to the video. Even if it clearly explains it, take a few sentences to state the main theory again, just to reinforce the main points. I doubt either belief in evolution or creationism will get you any further in life unless your majoring in biology, so your main point just got shot down. Drop the big house/little house argument. Do you really think my belief in evolution will affect my (hypothetical) future job as an accountant? A banker? A doctor? What are these "marks" you speak of? It's kind of a distorted Catch-22 in the sense that people's marks (I'm assuming you mean grades) in Science will only suffer if creationism is not taught, which is basically what you're arguing for. About Scientology: It is very clear you have no idea what Scientology is. You just can't say "We don't want our kids learning [x religion]". Even if you think it's the stupidest religion in the world, freedom of religion is freedom of religion. Also, any Scientology members will be very offended. Your argument isn't that people shouldn't be religious, it's that religion should not be taught in schools. Attack the right topic. That's like me saying "We don't want our children becoming Christians, right?" The last sentence is good (look up The Flying Spaghetti Monster on Wikipedia for some ideas on your speech).

Overall, you have no main argument, no evidence, little supporting commentary, and the organization of everything is horrendous. I'm not going to come up with the reasons because that is your job. Actually read up on the subject and read what others have done concerning this subject (again, Flying Spaghetti Monster). I could have crushed your argument easily if I was debating you.

hmmm... im in grade 7 (High school) but i should be able to help a bit coz im in an accelerated class (We skip year 7) so im doing grade 8 work. umm as was said earlier, Make everyone think that you're an expert on the topic. :D

Occam's razor could be useful. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam's_razor

It says (pretty much) that the simplest solution with the fewest amounts of assumptions is probably the best.

Evolution has nothing to do with why creationism doesn't belong in schools.

Look at the flying spaghetti monster, http://www.venganza.org/

Big house? What has that to do with why creationism doesn't belong in schools.

Also, creationism isn't a theory, a hypothesis at most.

Yeah, you need to put yourself in someone who would prefer religion over science's shoes, and the same with a person who feels that science > religion, and make an argument or two for each side. Then decide which side you are on and draw up a conclusion.

I did something like that the last year for a biology class (lol) and instead of a presentation we had to do a debate : Creationism VS Darwin Theory of Evolution. I'd give you the videos (it lasted almost 2 hours) if you'd understand portuguese, but as you don't i'll just give you some advice.

First of all in the debate i was force to go defend creatorism, which is against everything i believe, but my grade was at stake :P. And guess what i nearly won. The best technique to convincing someone in your case is exposiong the arguments of why creatorism should be taught and then crushing each one of them with a counter argument and adding some arguments of your in the final. It might be a bit agressive, but it worked marvels with me :P. But you must ALWAYS use scientific arguments, do not try to plead at the audience emocional side, it just makes you look unprofessional.

Don't be afraid to say what you have to say
Do not regrett what you said

If i could almost convince an entire class that creatorism was true without me believing it myslef using scientif arguments and logic you can easily do the other way around with the theory of evolution using what i told you.

I hope it helps