Normal people can have cysts. My cyst allows my brain to continue to function normally without a body. The black hole is too large to tear me apart by stretching, and it has electric charge and rotation, warping me in a wormhole into another universe.

Next user is normal human being without any suit, cannot have any cysts or unusual body stuff, crossing the event horizon of a black hole. The black hole is not large enough to prevent spaghettification, and not small enough to vapor and explode in the near future. It does not have electric charge, nor does it rotate. User will inevitably hit singularity and be destroyed. The user cannot exceed light speed, or be immortal. It is not a dream. The universe is in normal state, and teleportation of any kind is impossible.

Fortunately, I have an experimental device that converts mass to energy. I am it at the black hole, which causes rapid acceleration of its evaporation via Hawking radiation. Since small black holes evaporate faster than large ones, this evaporation accelerates until the black hole explodes a minute after I initially activated the device. The shockwave from the exploding black hole throws me in the direction of an Earth-like planet, which has a weaker gravity.

The next user accidentally time travelled into the Big Bang, and was completely vaporized.

I am a single photon, and I was transported into about 1 hour after the Big Bang.

The next user is stabbed in the throat with a pair of scissors.

They all kill each other and I survive.

The next user has eternally wet socks and goes insane.

I manage to teleport away from whatever monstrosity was hidden behind that redaction. In addition, I left behind a gram of antimatter, which causes a 25 kiloton explosion.

The next user was a normal human who was caught in the blast from the antimatter, and is now dying from severe burns and radiation poisoning as a result.

In another universe where the big bang is as big as 1milimeter comparated to me, and my skin absorbs the energy due to the strange stupid physics of that universe.

The next user is killed by a magnestar (i forgot the name, its like a pulsar).