I'm a banana that enslaves the universe.

Next user is guilty of genocide, and is executed by hanging and a lethal injection.

The lethal injection was messed up since the guy who did it shot himself by accident, then I used my super strength to rip the rope into pieces. Then I mind control everyone into thinking Plutonium84 did it.

The next user is a piece of paper (made of normal wood, not indestructable paper or something like that) in the core of the sun which is just about to under go total nuclear fusion into a black hole in an imploding universe. (No other dimensions/universes exist for you to escape to) (No reviving, cloning, being ghost/god/other mythical creatures, no saying you change form and surivive in that form, no changing bodies.)

A time traveler finds me and he rescues me just as the blackhole has started to form. 

The next user has been captured by Ganondarf who plans to destroy all of hyrule and plans to use you as a Human bomb, you come conscious with ten seconds before detonation.

I somehow managed to teleport myself to another universe one second before I was supposed to explode. In the process, a five ton block of antimatter spawned where I was originally located, completely sterilizing the entire world, as well as vaporizing Ganondarf. Finally, the bomb malfunctioned, so I don't explode.

The next user was directly exposed to the antimatter explosion, and has been vaporized as a result.

Since the antimatter explosion was in a lab where the only small amount of antimatter is stored, the scientists get my vaporized body (who was the test subject) and use their secret technologies imported from Area 51 to put me back to how I was before.

The next user is an atom, about to be hit by another atom in the Large Hadron Collider. Precise calculations show that it will be the last circle around the collider before you hit the atom.

Unfortunetly the walls of the Hadron Collider suddenly cave in for no apparent reason and I simply bounce off in the other direction.

The next user is being chased by a whole squadron of armed security gaurds, because they sabotauged the Hadron Collider.

@mad-cow (View Post)

 I use my mad watch dogs skills and kill them all with ease.

The next user is one of the security guards getting owned.

Turns... I am your clone!!! DUN DUN DUN!!! We fight until we both realize that we cannot best eachother, and go out and eat pizza. :P

The next user is getting his bank account robbed by dom2mom-watchdogmode and I.

Unfortunatly for you, my account is a dummy account and the cops track down and arrest you'll both.

The next user being arrested for hacking bank accounts and will be excecuted in a few minutes. They are restrained with metal cuffs to the chair and legs aswell. 

Holy crap. American Special Forces rescue me from the compound in whatever third-world country you placed me in, which apparently executes for robbery. 0.0

The next user is in said country, and just got caught stealing a banana.