pfff... i dont need them.

the next user finds them self on the wrong side of Chuck Norris.

btw poorsoft i like your new avatar, it suits you.

I find myself on the right side after a short hike.

The next user is heading towards Earth at 99.99% the speed of light strapped with TNT. The next user is about to crash and burn up through the atsmosphere, and if some how doesn't die the Earth's surface is covered in a 60km thick shelll made of solid graphene. The user is a regular human and has nothing on them, including a space suit. Also the graphene is at 2000 degrees C, and 10000 large H-Bombs are on the earth and strapped to the user, ready to detonate. The H-Bombs will not affect the velocity of the user. Did I mention there is no help?

I am going so fast I travel through time and end up in the year 5000.

In this time there is help, and I am saved by doctor who at the last second.

The next user is brought to absolute zero. They have exactly the same restrictions as I had in the comment above, except they're not traveling at all.

Fortunately, the coolant system was so inefficient that it would take years to cool me down to that temperature. As a result, it can't cool me down at all.

The next user is a regular human who is trapped in a room made out of radium. If you somehow escape this room, you will find yourself in deep space, with no hope of rescue. You are also dying of radiation poisoning from the radium.

I'm instantly teleported to a thawing facilty which I have contacted before I got strapped to all those bombs. I get thawed and live.

The next user is a regular human, and is hit in the face with a rock made of solid dimaond with +9999999 force.

Then I shove a posion drug down your throat when you're unconcious.

the poison kills 2000 of my brain cells and i feel a little bit more like drooling on my shoe.

i attack the user with an attack dragon. 

I defend the attack with a defend dragon.

The next user is about to be executed for crimes unspeakable.

Due to the witnesses inability to speak of the crimes, I am found "not guilty."

The next user is faced with accusations of crimes unspeakable too, however the new witnesses have created a written account of what they saw.

i kill the witnesses and they accuse me

i stab the next user with a sword forged in a star

However, the sword vaporizes due to the intense heat of the star, therefore, you cannot stab me.

I stab the next user with a sword made of antimatter. Since you are made of normal matter, you instantly explode.