So I am safe.

 

The next user is under 100000 psi.

it's a good thing I am 100000 psi; forces balance

next user is subject to entering the event horizon of a black hole

I absorb it because it's a tiny black hole

 

The next user is once again my player character in Dark Souls, but this time with the new DLC content. Drepare to get electrocuted, burned, drowned, crushed, impaled, bitten, and dissolved a few more thousand times

But I am the person sitting on front of the computer.

 

The next user has a nosebleed in front of a great white shark.

I'm standing outside of the shark tank.

 

The next user is trapped in a collapsing universe.

The data is too large, and it brwaks, I become real again.

You are a caramel log about to be eaten.

Sorry my computer froze, and only just posted.

But I eat the the human trying to eat me as I ride the Nyan cat out of the universe into the next.

 

Someone thought it would be fun to set your hand on fire.

Fortunately, my hands were still wet from an exploding faucet accident, so the water vaporizes and extinguishes the fire.

 

Someone thought it would be fun to reprocess the next user into cardboard boxes.

trolololol i moved out da wai!!! :D

 

but really now...

before they get around to doing it, i dump a bucket of water on the reprocessing maching, fring the circiuts in the process. 

 

the next user is looking through the muzzle of an AK-47 right as it gets shot.

But, you grammar means I am looking down the barrel before the ak47 gets shot.

You have an asthma attack and die.