I hire Gallagher.

 

The next user is a normal person, dropped on the surface of Venus completely naked, and has only his wits and himself.

Nuke shield.

Next person is trapped inside a crashing plane. It will crash, and everyone on board will die.

I find a glide suit I put it on in the restroom. I escape, just as it's about to crash.

Next user is surrounded by a lot of Randy Marsh's. Factorial that's a South Park joke!

But I get immediately teleported out again (No one specified that I couldn't be teleported out again).

 

Next user is infected with an incurable virus that kills whatever living being it touches within five seconds. They do not have any magic, immortality, or any unreal item.

The cord is not an electricity cord. 

 

Next user is crushed under a massive rock weighing fifty tonnes. (S)he is a normal human with nothing... etc

Suddenly, above me a large cieling appears ans stops the rock from falling on top of me.

The next user is the patient of a mad doctor wielding a chainsaw.

I grab the chain saw and kill the docter. 

The next user is attcked by Eric Cartmen from South Park.