I was heading 5000 miles/hr away from what I would've hit. Thank goodness.

The next user was hit by me, a DEUT bomb

You forgot the detonator, so it is useless as a bomb.

I take out the uranium and toss it off a skyscraper, landing straight on the next user's head.

I am a small speck of dust, which the missle pushes away very quickly. The missle breaks apart but still detonates because of your above statement, however, I was pushed away so quickly that I fly into the atmosphere, safe from the explosion.

The banhammer falls on the next user.

The nuke was sooo powerfull and fast that its explosion made a space rift 0.3 yoctometers in front of me, that i just got pushed back 5 meters, and the explosion entered the rift.

The next user is a normal human that dehydrates.

I drink water.

The next user falls from a staircase into a tub of boiling acid.