They just made me pay a bunch of apology money to him.

The next user explodes into confetti.

Fortunately, I am a self-replicating organism. As a result, only one of my clones exploded, and the rest of them kept replicating themselves.

The next user somehow impaled themselves on a nuclear fuel rod.

The fuel rod is surrounded with neutron absorbers, and is sub-critical. I get stitches for the hole in my foot. (don't ask)

The next user is a computer that has no fan, and is always going to be on.

I am water-cooled.

The next user isn't allowed to drink water for an entire month.

I absorb water through my skin instead.

The next user is not allowed any sort of caloric intake for an entire year.

They won't allow me, but who cares what they think? I will eat anyway because fuk da police.

The next user is dead. Done, game over, you are dead, all your brain cells are dead due to lack of oxygen and this is real life so no resurection and present day, so no imortallity technology.

I died in a parallel universe. I am still alive in this one.

The next user has a lethal amount of mercury azide in their bloodstream. If you move too much or fall, it will explode, instantly killing you.

How is that an attack? I am a stable isotope of caesium, and I just sit there.

The next user, who is made of MATTER, is sprayed by a kilogram of antimatter.