There's a funnel above my head with a tube attached to it, dripping all the helium away from me.

The next user suddently and spontanuasly combusts.

I also spontaneously and suddenly get showered in cold water.

The next user is surrounded by man-eating basking sharks.

I taste so bad they leave me alone without any major injuries.

The next user is the last pizza slice at the party of 50 people.

I had pepperoni on me. nobody in the party likes pepperoni.

The next player was the last pizza in the last pizza box with everyones favourite ingredients on it at the same party.

Everyone at the party was the nicest person ever and they all went:

No, you have it.

No, I insist, you have it.

Well I'm not eating it unless we agree to split it!

No! The pizza is ruined if you split it!

Can we just rock paper scissors or something?

Good idea!

As they were busy declaring who was going to eat me, I crawl and fall onto the floor. Nobody likes pizza from the floor, so they leave me alone.

The next user gets a F- on the most important test of their life.

We don't have anything called F-, we only have A+, A, A-, B+, B, B-, C+, C, C-, D+, D, D- and F :P

The next user CAN NOT access the internet (that means don't say that you did something to access it or anything similar to that).

I rage a little, then notice that my wireless router died. I go to the store and get a new one.

The next user is being hunted down by every organized crime organization and terrorist group on Earth.

I simply move off Earth and go to a different planet.

The next user is teleported directly into the middle of the Big Bang at the beginning of the universe. At that time, the temperatures and pressures are sufficient to instantly break you down into a quark-gluon plasma.

However, my DMND-FRME-TTAN alloy keeps me safe.

The next user, who is a human, has no brain.

But I have nerves in different parts of my body and with the help of science, they act like my brain would if it was still there.

The next user is too pro.