Fortunately, there is a solid osmium wall in the way. He cannot reach me because of it.

 

The next user is trapped on a broken spacecraft that is starting to enter Jupiter's atmosphere. Due to atmospheric drag, you cannot remain in orbit, and will instead fall deeper into the atmosphere where you will be crushed and vaporized.

I evacuate the spacecraft and use my jetpack-thing-that-astronauts-carry to get me in a stable orbit. I then meet some aliens who agree to take me go back to Urfh.

 

The next user is condemned to feed every internet troll they encounter, MWAHAHAHA.

Chuck Norris is dead. Therefore, he cannot do anything now.

 

The next user has been targeted by every nuclear missile in the world simultaneously.

I am hiding in a huge nuclear bunker comprised of all the nuclear bunkers on Earth, plus that it is under the sea.

 

The next user is a windows computer with no recovery media and I delete system32 (after changing the permissions)

I have no clue what any of that is. Ignorance is bliss.

 

The next user puts a Nokia phone in this... thing.

The Nokia phone breaks it.

The next user puts his thing in that thing.

ERROR 413: Request Entity Too Large

The request is larger than the server is willing or able to process. Please specify what does the "his thing" value equal to so that the server won't have to go throw every single possible thing in the world.

(Anyway, I think I know what you meant by saying "his thing" :P).

 

The next user is this dude.

You missed.

 

The next user falls inside an active vulcano.