I'm not using a computer, I'm using an iPad.

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The next user is being unlojiked.

I relojik myself.

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The next user finds themselves about to be deleted.

Ctrl-c

Ctrl-v

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The next user is being noobed.

I teleported the noobs to the surface of Venus, where they melted in the extreme heat.

 

The next user was one of the noobs that got teleported.

My noobish powers lead to the entire atmosphere of Venus geting sucked inside my empty head. Most people would die by then, but my small brain meant no death for me. Noob logic.

 

The next user isn't pro enough.

I become 2mlg4.

The next user is literally laughing his ass off and is dying of catastrophic blood loss.

Asses are too mainstream, so is bleeding.

 

The next user is 2legit2quit, and he can't stop doing any action, which ultimetaly leads to his death.

I also can't stop living. So there.

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The next user forgot to breathe.

I pass out, then my body breathes out of reflex.

 

The next user is sent to Detroit. (shots fireeeeed)

I spend 40 years in detroit, have a family, become a local gang boss, win some, lose some but after all those years of staying ahead of the game I fall behind and take 2 to the chest, I survive because of my canadian citizenship which, for some reason has not be redacted and I still qualify to get deported to canada for free health care and enter the witness protection program and return to my home town leaving my family and all I knew behind and returning to my old family.

 

The next user is stationed on the death star.