Turns I'm the one making dinner! I happily eat myself.

 

The next user is the lettuce I am eating.

Being nonsentient lettuce, I don't mind.

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The next user has several (active) grenades constantly being thrown at them, and they're just a normal human with no powers.

I am several miles away, far out of throwing range.


The next user is one of the grenades thrown

I had my safety pins on, so I didn't explode.

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user below is under 4 millions of falling 81mm mortar shells, and shells are right below you.

You have no protection, communications, or teleporter. You put normal bathrobe and you are normal human.

I'm under them, but suddenly they're below me? Nothing makes sense so everything stops existing and then everything is put in order again and the mortar bombs land a couple hundred miles away because science.

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The next user is 360-kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

I am a black hole. I simply tear Chuck Norris into a stream of ionized atoms which then falls past my event horizon, where it is lost forever.

 

The next user is a normal human who was exposed to the burst of radiation emitted when I destroyed Chuck Norris.

There was a giant wall of lead inbetween so no radiation could penetrate through to me.

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The next user is in dematerized and now he takes up no space and goes through no time.

I use my awesome sattelite powers to send false signals to the fighters, making them believe the leaders of that program have just called them back.

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The next user is recently created ununoctium (which has a very short half life) and is about to dissapear.