Fortunately, the actinium heats up so rapidly that it vaporizes before it can be dropped. As a result, the only result I receive is a hot blast of air and higher than average radioactivity levels.

 

The next user is targeted by a five megaton cobalt bomb, which leaves behind enough cobalt 60 to be deadly even years after the explosion.

Targeted, but not fired at by.

 

The next user just swallowed just ignited napalm.

The spark on the fuse went out due to the moisture.

 

The next user is trapped inside a broken down tank which is fired at with a 200mm calibre depleted uranium shell

@Lagnadium41 (View Post)
Napalm doesn't need a fuse. You're still dead.

Anyhow, fortunately for me, the shot misses. I take out the artillery with an expertly-aimed RPG.

The next user was operating said artillery.

That artillery happened to be a Remote-Controlled artillery. You didn't kill me yet.

 

The next user is being chased by an army of yolo bananas.

Who, this guy?

I bite his head off. 

 

The next user is this banana.

No, I'm this banana.

The next user is a STKM in a non-conductive solid walled area full of neutrons with 10000 life, and no lua console around.

I am able to spit electrons, and eventually convert every neutron to HYGN.
The next user is a Kerbal in a ship on a collision course with Duna, with no fuel left and no working parachutes.

No WORKING parachutes. I stick two parachutes together to form one that works. Both have holes, but they are small and in different places. I parachute back down to Duna (wherever that is...)

 

I make the next user read every single Survive The Attack post.

It takes me a few hours, but I manage to read every post.

 

The next user is trapped in an insulated box that is full of superfluid helium, which will flow up the walls of the box and onto you, freezing you to death.