@CeeJayBee (View Post)

 
Fortunately, I wasn't quite as hungry as I thought. Therefore, I waited untill food arrrived. 

The next user is now falling in an indefinetly deep hole; reaching his terminal velocity without any means of escaping. 

Luckly, I fell down the hole with a rocket propeled with solid fuel rocket boosters.

The next user failed to ignite the solid fuel rocket boosters.

I was your assistant; you expected me to light the booster for you, but, being discontented with your treatment of me, I decided to let you die.

The next user is dead.

Haven't we had this already? You @FeynmanLogomaker of all people should know this; you were the victim.

Anyway, I am living 1000 years into the future where there are machines that can revive you up to 1 day from time of death. My friend uses this machine on me.

The next user has been injected with Sarin and has approximately 60 seconds to live.

--EDIT--

There is no atropine or pralidoxime or Biperiden anywhere near (within 1000km) the user.

Fortunately, it turns out that the Sarin used was old and highly unstable. As a result, it decays into several harmless compounds.

The next user has been injected with concentrated sulfuric acid, causing rapid corrosion of all nearby tissues.

Luckily, the injection was in my hand; I quickly amputate it.

I'm typing this with one hand ;)

The next user is injected with concentrated sulfuric acid into their chest cavity, rapidly eating its way to their heart and lungs.

However, as I'm not dead or alive, I have no need for a heart or lungs.

The next user is gonna be given an explosive hug by a fighter with nuclear jetpacks and is spitting bombs out.

I am a wall of DMND.

The next user recieves a birthday cake (must only be continued if this is your birthday!).

The cake is a lie, there is no need to be my birthday.

The next user gets a nice 1000 kg heap of actinium poured on top of them, which rapidly decays and basically puts them at the center of a world-ending fission heap. Enjoy.