...except I post in this forum, relieving myself of the boredom.

 

The next user has been shot in the head with a sniper rifle, is in the desert, and has no way of escaping. S/he is 1 second away from total brain death.

Luckily, it was not a direct shot to a critical area of my brain. This gives me enough time to regenerate safely, undoing any damage done.

 

the day I stop making doctor who references is the day they bury me six feet underground.

 

The next user is beheaded, eaten, digested, excreted and burned.

A dragon attacks the town before I am beheaded, after a long-winded scene where I randomly change races and clothes after being asked my name.

The next user is @FeynmanLogomaker on the day he stops making Doctor Who references.

They forgot to take out the shovel and I dig myself out.

 

The next user gets hut by my shovel and is a normal human and I hit the next user with 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 kg of pressure

I use negative pressure to keep away the crushing force.

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The next player has a platoon of armed bananamen that want his/her head.

I type /give bowserinator 397 1 {SkullOwner:bowserinator} and give it to them.

 

The next user is attacked by /kill <username> and cannot respawn and it is real so if you die in game you also die for real

Fortunately, the person typing the command got my name incorrect, so nothing happens. I also quickly type the kill command, but aimed at that other person instead. Finally, I move my base into the End, where I don't have to worry about creepers, zombies etc.

 

The next user is in a similar situation, except you are falling into the void rather than being targeted by the /kill command.

Ender pearl out! Just in time!

The next user is in that same situation but without ender pearls

I press /gamemode 1, and survive long enough to fly back up to the surface.

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The next user is in an underground city that has a crazy, insane idiot with the world's nuclear weapon arsenal at their disposal, the surface being scarred by meteor craters and acid clouds.

I kill said individual. I then proceed to take control of the arsenal, build a rocket out of spare missile parts, and found a space colony with a few trusted friends.

Then I blow up the Earth.

 

The next user happens to be not only on Earth at the time, but only a few feet from the storage room.

None of the bombs fail to detonate.