However, it turns out that I was on Pluto, while the assassin was still on Earth, so he couldn't do anything. In addition, I have launched an interplanetary missile containing a five hundred megaton antimatter warhead towards Earth to try and eliminate the assassin.

The next user is hit directly by the missile, and is vaporized by the resulting explosion.

i AM the missile, therefore this is impossble

The next user is stuck in the mud. 500 metres down.

it turns out it was only a hologram of myself

The next person to post has made me angry; you wont like me when im angry... GRRAAAAAA! IM THE INCREDIBLE SMULK!

sadly i am on the other side of the world

the next posterer is frozen out of stone

"frozen out of stone" and "posterer" don't make sense, so I live. :D

The next user has pneumonia, tuberculosis and polio and is stranded in the desert.

I forgot that I was carrying a state-of-the-art disease curing pill. I take it, and I happen to be just a kilometer away from a huge undiscovered oasis. I live there for a few days until a group of people travelling to the oasis rescue me.

The next user is shot down by a low orbit ion cannon in point-blank range.

Im a titanium paperclip

the next user gets scared half-to death twice. :P

@targetedtrains (View Post)

 you cant make me angry on the other side of the world! that makes no sense!

@ISproductions (View Post)

 I was faking it

the next person is going to be banned :P

@Darthan (View Post)

 " i faked it" lol XD

i got banned from a game that i dont even play. dosent affect me.

the next user is so dumb that they get ran-over by a parked car.

That's not possible. So I live.

The next user gets sucked into a black hole.