I am a gas giant too. I, however, have no solid core, so  I just diffuse throughout Jupiter.

Which increases it's mass enough to cause fusion. (Screw physics...)

The next user is a normal human, trapped inside the now-stellar Jupiter. 

Oh, and physics no longer exist. I sold my soul to Satan in order to stellarize Jupiter.

Physics no exist? FTL right out of the area!

Physics have been turned on due to Physics-Creator 9001, and you are now 10km from a black hole. You cannot escape, and NO VIOLATING PHYSICS.

good thing that black hole had it event horizon 9 km from the center so I'm free to wander off

the next person is on a planet 1 second before its home star goes into a supernova

I teleport into the Orth cloud. and I am invincible

next user is in space, a normal human, with no space suit.

I just activate my teleporter, and teleport back to Earth's surface.

The next user is a normal human trapped inside a black hole, with the singularity located inside their body. The black hole is a supermassive one, so it won't evaporate in time to save you. You are almost instantly crushed to death and consumed by the singularity. Also,the powerful gravitational forces prevent teleporters from working.

I whip out my pocket tardis and go back to a time before the black hole existed and escape easily. 

The the next user has a hypersonic pastrami sandwich aimed at their head and cannot move out of th way becaus they are superglued to the floor

I slow it down with my super awesome time-slowing powers so slow that I can eat it just normally, then I get some anti glue and unglue myself.

The next person is in a Anti-teleport room with no exit and has crushing walls with spikes on them about to crush you.

However, I threw a grenade at one of the spiked walls, blowing a hole through it. I then escape through the hole in the wall.

I threw the next user into a lake of sulfuric acid. You are a normal human, you cannot get out of the lake fast enough, and you don't have a teleporter, tardis, or anything to neutralize the acid.

thankfully it was also radioactive and due to Marvel physics, i turn into Acid Man.

i attack the next user by throwing acid at them.

It burns really bad, but I don't die.

The next person is in the middle of a nuke testing site with the nuke about to go off in 3 seconds without superpowers, teleport, or anything else not natural of a human. Oh and also there are no refrigerators.