I managed to jump out before the explosion, where I soon survive the landing because I landed in water.

The next user is instantly shattered

I use duct tape to heal myself.

By the way, "However, I am a plutonium-based lifeform, so when they light the fire for the cremation, I reach critical mass and explode, destroying everything within thirty kilometers in a nuclear explosion.": You're still dead.

I vaporize the next user (and disintegrate the resulting molecules into atoms then into plain quarks), put them in a bottle and send it out of the solar system on a path that will never take them near another planet.

I reach a star. The quarks fuse quickly and I become a new element. I am now a Razonium based life-form, and I come back to earth.

The next user is trapped in the frosting of a giant cake.

But I have a giant knife in my hand and cut my way out of the cake

The next user is a Grambling State basketball fan who has vowed to commit suicide if Grambling State loses another. They are down by 100 points and there is 10 seconds left...

I eat my way out of the icing and quickly bribe the scoreboard counter to increse the the teams points. I then vow nover to do that again.

The next user is a tower in the twin towers in New York 5 seconds before they collapes.

@Kikinicij (View Post)

That situation is kind of messed up. We Americans take that very personally. (I don't know if you are a U.S. citizen, but it is just way too messed up for me to reply)

ON TOPIC:

The next user is about to explode randomly.

The explosion occurs, but it involves a single U-235 atom in my body undergoing spontaneous nuclear fission, thus I am not harmed as there is nowhere near enough energy to do any noticeable damage.

The next user is a snowball that teleported to the atmosphere of Jupiter.

But there happens to be a portal right at the spot where I just teleported to. I go back to a cold place where I cannot melt.

The next user is a stickman in TPT with THDR about to hit him.

TPT had a glitch where THDR would have a life setting of 50 frames, causing it to disappear right before it comes into contact with me.

The next user is trapped in a minecraft world with no living organisms but him/herself.

Which is just how I like it. I obtain wood from an abandoned mineshaft to make tools with, ultimately making an IndustrialCraft UUM generator to make infinite supplies.

The next user is trapped in a Minecraft world made entirely of bedrock.