Plastic surgery. Duh.

The next user dies. His body is subsequently burned.

BTW: Kikinicij, "Well since I am banned, theoraticly if I dont already have any other alts, its like starting over becasue I wouldn't have several so I actually dont have alts, just a new account. HEHEHE!" You no longer have access under any alt; your entire computer is banned.

However, I am a plutonium-based lifeform, so when they light the fire for the cremation, I reach critical mass and explode, destroying everything within thirty kilometers in a nuclear explosion.

The next user was caught outside in the explosion ten meters from ground zero.

But I am already dead, in fact everyone is already dead. (how could we have possibly survived all these attacks) 

What we are experiencing now is just a symbolic journey as we pass into the next world.

Thankfully a doctor revives me just as my heart cuts out awakening me

from my coma.

The next user compleates thier journey and dies.

I am dead, but for some reason I am caught in a strange room, with strange machines attached to my head. It turns out the whole thing was a simulation. I somehow broke out of the dreamscape, and free everyone else. We stage a huge armed riot on their compound. MEGA VICTORY!!!

The next user is drowning in liquid cheese, and the cheese is too thick to swim in. The more they struggle, the faster they sink. You are in a sealed capsule in deep space. No one else is in the capsule, and you are outside of the outer limits of our galaxy.

I use jetpack to get out of the cheese and land in another planet. I give the cheese to the intergalactic rats there and they help me make a craft to return to earth.

The next user fell into the sun wearing only the dress they where wearing when they were going to their friend birthday party.

But even an idiot knows that if you fall from 2 stories high you might die so as I was falling off the balcony of a space and planitarium exibet, I use my grapling hook to save myself from certian doom. The sun ends up saving my life.

THe next user is a football, thrown into a volcano.

I am a lava football and i play with my lava friends.

I am made out of lava and i hug the next user.

You are a ball, balls don't have arms

The next user is bear-hugged by a bare lava bear

But I am also a bare lava bear.

The next user has been thrown off a helicopter at 1000 feet off the ground. There is no one going to save you, and you are an ordinary human. You will land on concrete, and there is no water around. There are spikes on the ground, so you will surely die. You are already halfway down, without a parachute or any equipment of any sort.

But suddenly there is a big shadow above me (the Star Trek ship) and it beams me up to the ship.

Then I order the ship's gunner to instanly vaporize the helicopter that pushed me down.

the next user is on that chopper.