I am god, (see earlier) I already exist outside all dimensions. 

The next user defies me by inventing iphone auto correct. 

But I am a devoted and reasonable windows user so I do not waste my time.

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The next user has become a highly unstable atom at the end of its life.

Fortunately, I am an atom of Tc-99m, so I just emit a gamma ray, becoming Tc-99.

The next user is hit by my gamma ray, causing a fatal, incurable case of brain cancer.

While you were happily typing this message and putting that oh so well placed </thread>, you forgot to kill the next user

The next user is a paradox

Thankfully I've being a paradox for a few pages now.

The next user is attacked by Squid Girl.

I befriend her and use her newfound friendship to start a worldwide printing company, using economical and cheap ink. I die a billionaire at age 200, having hired scientists to research life-extending medication. On my deathbed i donate my riches to the poor and die a happy man.

The next user accidentally injected themselves with explosive nanobots, becoming a living nuke destined to explode in 48 hours.

However, the nanobots do not have a critical mass, so there is no nuclear explosion.

The next user is turned into a cube made of uranium-238.

So I do not fission.

The next user is hit by a drop of red matter...