However, I happen to live in Soviet Russia, which means that it's human season, as opposed to deer season.

The next user eats a candy bar - with a sewing needle inside it.

A Chocolate sewing needle and it was delicious.

The next user has become a tree in the middle of an Australian bushfire.

I am a new "born" tree in the middle of the ashes after the fire, i will live for the next 300 years of my lifespan

The next user did the same thing 299 years, 364 days, 23 hours, 59 minutes and 59 seconds ago

It was a small earthquake deep underground so I never felt it.

The next user was accidentaly mistaken for wood and was thrown into a woodchipper.

Although I forgot to call, I remembered to text them (yes they accept texts now).

The next use it hit with angry spam. 

Oats:

The next use it hit with angry spam. 

I am not the next use

The next user bites his head off

luckely i have 2 heads and i have 1 head left

the next user is thrown in the 4th dimension