I turn into putty and when the car is gone get off the road and turn back to myself.

The next person is eaten by giant soap worms.

I was taking a bath...

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The next user is alive when the big rip happens

Alive, I get to watch the amazing phenomenon happen before me.

The next user is in a a kung foo fight with Jet Li. 

I shoot him in the leg.

The next person is about to be shot by a doctor.

coolbeans

4/10

the doctor is part of an organized gang and i happen to be in it and the gangs code stops him from shooting me without permission from the leader.

the next person falls over and gets impaled by a butchers knife through the neck

I was testing my gravity generator and set the gravity in the room to zero, so the knife simply bounces off of me and floats in a different direction.

The next user is in the same room, when I set the gravity level in it to a thousand times greater than Earth's normal gravity.

MA HOUSE D:

Ima planet :p

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the next user is forced to sit through the most boring lecture know to man repeated for 34 years