A chemist, fluid dynamics student, and marine biologist are sitting on the beach.
The Marine Biologist becomes distracted by the ocean, thinking of all the animals and plants there are in there, he walks towards it and dies.
The fluid dynamics student becomes distracted by the water's movement, the beautiful water just flowing there, walks in and dies.
The chemist watches all of this and concludes:
"Biologist and Student are soluble in water."

Four people are trying out for the CIA. Though they have to shoot a rifle at their loved ones.
Guy one comes into the room where his wife is tied up and he has the rifle. He comes out crying and says he can't do it. They say he's not good enough and send him home.
Guy two was close to pulling the trigger, but he doesn't. He also gets sent home.
Guy three couldn't either.
The fourth was a woman. They joke how she couldn't do this. She goes in with the rifle, and 5 minutes later comes out and says she did it... But told them she knew they were blanks and beat her husband to death with the chair!

@PizzaPlatypus

i got that one from "www.ongein.nl" translated it with google translate and corrected some words, i,m not so good at making jokes so i took one from there, paste it here for everyone to read and laugh.

here is another one

A man has a tremendous passion for beans. He is crazy about this food, but, unfortunately, after eating a embarrassing physical reaction seized him. On one day he meets a beautiful woman and he is greatly in love with her. When it becomes clear that they marry, he thinks to himself that she will not be able to stand as if he continued his passion for beans with the result that his bowel functions are uncontrollable and are going stir. He therefore decides the ultimate sacrifice: he will never eat beans anymore ..... Not long after they married. A few months later, the man is on his way home from work and his car breaks down. He neatly calls his wife that he,l be a little later home and because he was only a few miles from home, he decides to walk home. On the way home he comes across a small cafe and a delicious aroma of fresh kidney beans surprised smell rig. Because he still needs a while walking home, he confides that he at that time the negative effects of eating beans will dissapear. So he goes into the cafe and he orders a delicious serving of beans in red onion sauce. It is so good that he ordered two portions.
Just outside the cafe all the trouble begins, he feels his bowels to contract and he starts farting irrevocably. At every step he takes, the worse and worse. He stud all his bowels almost out and the clouds behind him betray the explosions from his gut. Almost arrived at his house, he feels relatively safe and wants to enter the house. However, his wife assists him at the door waiting. She exclaims, "Honey, I'm glad you're finally here because I have a very nice surprise for you!" She makes him a blindfold and leads him to his chair at the head of the table. Right now he finds that his intestines start playing it again and he still should have some farting. But because his wife is with him and he has promised not to eat more beans, he must content himself. Fortunately, at that moment the phone rings and he must promise her not to take the blindfold off while she is answering the phone.
When she is away, he uses the occasion and lift one leg lights. The bolt is not only hard but also smells like a rotten egg. He may have difficulty breathing, so he grabs his napkin on the table starts to wave the enormous smell away. Immediately afterwards he gets an unstoppable attack and lifts his leg: "Pffffffrrrtttt" sounds. It seems just launched some diesel because the air is again not to hold out! He is now nearly sick from the air and starts waving his arms in the air to stop the smell a little. The call takes a long time and the man is really in his element. He sits from left to right rocking in his chair and his entire gas reserves ruft out. The farts are really incredible, one is a soft "whistler" with a huge stink, the other a hard-hitting "bomber" with a more stunning air. The latter is really a "winner", the windows vibrate, the plates on the table and move within the minute, the flowers on the table all die, otherwise he can not see because he was still blindfolded. He tries despite the intoxicating air,and holds its concentration to the telephone conversation. Because it is not over yet, he goes through with bolts, farting and passing farts. One after another leaves his smallest hole and he bothers with his napkin to the filthy stinking air road. When he realizes that his wife is finishing the call, also his freedom ends. He puts the napkin on his lap and folds his hands above it. he's smiles as if he,s a saint, until his wife enters the room. She apologizes for the length of the call and asks if he secretly has looked under the blindfold. He assures her not to have watched. she then removes the blindfold away and shouts "SURPRISE!" He was truly shocked and stunned when he sees heavy around the dinner table twelve of his best friends and girlfriends to listen to surprise party for his birthday.

a plane crash lands on a tropical island and there are 3 survivors, an english, an american and a north korean. they all decide that to survive they must work together. now, the english man being english, takes charge and says "right, i'll build a shelter", to the american he says "go and get some wood for a fire" and to the korean he says "go and get some supplies".
they all get to work, and by the evening they have a nice shelter and a warm fire, but no food because the korean has yet to return, and the english man and the american start to get a little bit worried.
after a week the north korean still hasn't reurned and the other 2 start to get incredebly hungry, suddnely, thy hear a rustlling in the bushes, and the north korean jumps out and shouts "SUPLIESSSSS"

cloud o' helium walks into a bar. barman says, 'sorry, we don't serve noble gases here.' the helium doesn't react.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer the barman puts the pint on the counter and says 'For you, no charge'

A super conductor walks into a bar. The barman says 'We don't serve your kind here', so the superconductor leaves without any resistance.

And someone tell me why I keep trying to spell 'without' as 'withought'?

A baby calf is asking her mom how she got her name. The mom said that when she was born a daisy fell on her head and she called her daisy. Then the other calf asks how she got her name. The mom said that when she was born a rose fell on her head and the mom called her rose. Then the son calf said $&%HYF*$*( and the mom said SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK.

@PizzaPlatypus
You got that from The Big Bang Theory didn't you?