Granted. It is made of paper.

 

I wish for a haircomb.

it is made of rotting fish bones, and lodges chunks of smelly fish in your hair.

I wish for 10g of NaHCO3 (all with stable isotopes of their respective elements)

You recieve 10g of the antimatter version of NaHCO3, which explodes as soon as you open the container.

 

I wish for a battery that never runs out of charge, no matter how much it is used.

Granted. But the battery is so weak you find it useless.

 

I wish for a printer. Yay!

It is 3D printer, and you have to print a report by tomorrow.

 

I wish for an ordinary glass of water.

you are given an ordinary glass of water with a fish in it.

I wish I would never go thirsty.

You never get thirsty so you don't realise you are dehydrated so you die.

 

I wish to die.

Dean goes to hell to bring you back. You're welcome!

 

I wish to be a Hunter like Sam and Dean, but not addicted to Demon Blood...

@KydonShadow
you become a hunter however you become addicted to angel blood and slaughters the entire angel race.

I wish to be the MASTER AT LUA SCRIPTING!

You become the master at LUA scripting. Unfortunately, no one knows what LUA is. We all know what Lua is.

 

I wish to be mniip.