Granted, however they are all schrodingers cats.

I wish you would use an indefinite article correctly.

Granted. You get there, but it gets boring after a few thousand years. However, since you cannot leave or die in heaven, you have to face an eternity of endless boredom.

I wish for the ability to instantly destroy heaven and hell.

granted you possess the ability but since you are such a danger now , god eliminates you from existence.

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i wish to be the god.

granted, but your angel wings turn into penguin wings after a couple hours.

I wish to have unlimited health and immunity from all problems that may arise

Aha, but you are not impervious to radiation, so you ingested 0.5 grams of Cobalt-60, thinking you will be fine.

I wish, that I could crush @Hopian a million times over.

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It does but Microsoft releases 1000 updates every second, reinstalling Metro every time.

I wish for an ordinary glass of water that won't kill me.

Granted. The water is actually D2O instead of H2O. Since deuterium is an isotope of hydrogen, you still have a glass of water, although it is slightly heavier than normal.

I wish for an unbreakable bottle of concentrated sulfuric acid; and no, it won't fall over and spill acid everywhere.