However, I converted the tachyons that made up the popcorn back into normal matter, so I now have the popcorn while you continue moving away from me faster than the speed of light, since you are still made of tachyons. I finally coated the popcorn with radium, and then placed it inside a uranium box with walls one kilometer thick at the center of the planet Venus.

I use advanced alien  tech to steal the popcorn from the vault. Then I put it in an indestructible wall that spills DEST on anything that tries to destroy it.

However, the wall's only weakness is it's own DEST. I trick the wall into destroying itself.

I then give the popcorn to the next user.

I eat half of the popcorn, converting it into small organic molecules. I then place the other half inside a vault surrounding by over one hundred alternating layers of matter and antimatter barriers, separated only by the glass vacuum vessel walls. Any attempt to steal the popcorn will result in the matter and antimatter exploding, thus destroying the popcorn.

I launch 300 nuclear EMP bombs on the layeys of matter and antimatter, and use a black-hole machine to remove them. I take the popcorn, and place it into God's safe, any and all attempt to steal the popcorn will result in God banishing the mortal or immortal being from anywhere.

I ask god to please give me the popcorn in the safe.

I just hold the popcorn and eat it until the next user takes it.

I use a detector to detect the popcorn and very reluctantly go get it. Then I use a matter rearranger to rearrange the popcorn poo into good, clean popcorn. I then hid it in a diamond case inside of a black hole.

I activate my exotic matter cannon, and convert the black hole into a wormhole to a random universe. I then pass through the wormhole and collect the popcorn before closing the wormhole. I finally convert the popcorn into a cloud of atoms which I then drop into a gas giant planet's atmosphere.