A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest sat on a Sunday morning in a small plane. Suddenly, the aircraft engine got problems. Despite the efforts of the pilot the plane crashes to the ground. Finally the pilot grabbed a parachute and shouted to the passengers that, in order to leave the aircraft, rather could jump, and he then jumped off the plane. Unfortunately there were only three parachutes on board. The doctor took out one and said:
"I am a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.
The lawyer said:
"I am a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."
He also grabbed a parachute and jumped out. The priest looked at the boy and said:
"My son, I have lived a long and happy life. You're still young and have a whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."
The little boy gave the parachute back to the priest and said:
"Do not worry Father. The 'smartest man in the world" has just jumped out with my backpack. "

@justsomeone
Heard it before but it's still funny.

a joke is where a horse walks into a bar and the bar man says "why the long face?"

@justsomeone
lol

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"

I was e-mailed this joke a long time ago.

It's a dog's life (Government Workers)

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs were. The first man was an "Engineer", the second man an "Accountant", the third a "Chemist" and the fourth was a "Government Worker".
To show off the engineer called to his dog, "T-Square, do your stuff". T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and drew a circle, a square and a triangle. Everyone agreed this was pretty good.
But the accountant said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed this was really good.
The chemist said his dog could do better. He called his dog and said "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agree this was good.
Then the three men turned to the government worker, and said, "What can your dog do?"
The government worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in a Worker's Compensation Claim, and went home on Sick Leave.

Phlegmkitty4427:

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

"Yo Momma" Jokes are over used, over rated, and not funny one bit.

@HarmonicFarts
I thought they were supposed to be disses not jokes

3 bank robbers are running from the police. One English, another Italian, and the last one is Irish. So they are at the end of an alley, but see 3 sacks. They all jump in separate ones and tie the tops.
The police arrive to find 3 sacks. One asks to kick them to see if they're hiding in there. The police man kicks the sack with the English man inside, but he meows good enough they believe it's a bag of cats. They kick sack two, the Italian man hiding inside of there. The sack barks and they still believe it's a sack of dogs. Last sack the policeman kicks starting yelling "Potatoes, potatoes!".