It works for 5 minutes and then you rage quit life.

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I wish people stopped talking about killing cats because it makes me sad :(

Granted, they kill dogs instead

____________Imnotmad_____________

I wish that I can make a perfect rounded ball using paper.

Granted, but since it's mostly impossible, you make a black hole.

____________________WellYouWillBeAfterAWhile_______

I wish I was able to enter orbit by just farting.

Granted, but when you fart a lot, you won't have anything left in your farting storage and it will take ages to re-fill your storage.

_________________Nope_____________

I wish that the time moves slowly in holidays.

The entire year is holidays and you get tired of it. Congratulations.
______________________whathaveIstarted____________________
I wish that teenage girls could literally even.

Granted. However, one second later, Protcom's black hole begins destroying the Earth.

I wish that it was possible to escape from within the event horizon of a black hole.

It's possible, but very, very, hard. So hard that you can't do it.

I wish to be me.

Your new name is "Me."

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I wish that the next user would type as NORMAL AND UNEVENTFUL as they can for their entire post.

Granted. I type normally and uneventfully, but you experience a surge of radiation as the billions of radioactive decay events that would normally be happening inside my body now happen inside your brain simultaneously.

I wish that the universe would end with a Big Crunch instead of heat death.

It does and creates a universe identical to the old one

I wish the universe would never end