There was nowhere to be at the exact moment of the Big Bang
Anyways, I jump to a parallel universe where the chocolate market has crashed, and proceed to buy copious amounts of it in order to sell it back in this universe (well, when humans evolve), and become rich.
EDIT: Aw, I forgot to attack somebody.
i dont buy your chocolate(i thing you where trying to scam me with your chococlate cause you didnet say anything else, next time make how you will hurt me more clears)
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i trap the guy bellow me in a room there is a nuke and tack away his equiment(portal gunns, lasers, ect) and he is humman.
tack: A small, sharp, broad-headed nail
I remove the tacks, and proceed to escape the chamber using my array of portal guns, lasers and other.
I bloody my fingers in the process, and smear it on the floor.
The next user slips on that floor, and cracks their skull.
edit: falling on the tacts...
However, the tacks had fallen on their sides when you dropped them. While it was painful landing on them, I survived since I did not hit any that were standing upwards.
I kill the next user by modifying the nuke into a twenty megaton hydrogen bomb which I then detonate. At the moment of detonation, they are just fifty feet away.
You did all that with a cracked skull?!
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I escape the cell; only to be caught in the explosion anyway as Michael blows himself up. Movements before harm however, I aim my piece of science to the moon and proceed to portal there.
The next user was an accomplice of Michael who locked themselves in the room.
Although Oats droped one of his portal guns in his hustle to get out and I turn on Michael238 and leave him and the bloody, bloody tacks for deat (incineration)
The next user is the older Michael238 from the future travling back in time and happens to come back to the exact moment in time with out the time machine.
Having just escaped the horrible incident and going to the moon; I come across aliens who transform my identity into Michael238 from the future.
Reminiscent of the event, I go back in time to view it again in my anti material suit, and take no harm.
The next user suffers radiation poisoning from living in the area 3 years later.
I pretend Im dead and they all go away.
The next user is faced with the same problem x10